I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I just put wine in my tea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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