nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
