the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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