We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
