Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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