I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
