we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
