If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
