I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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