why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
