talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So squirting runs in the family.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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