I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize