Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
