I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
