i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
