Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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