When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you bring me the toilet please
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
