WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
do nipples grow back?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
