he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
