i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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