When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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