Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
