There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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