I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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