She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
