That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
