i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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