Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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