I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
