WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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