I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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