One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
