He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
