I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
