its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
