can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
