My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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