I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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