first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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