Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
