How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
