Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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