Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize