In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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