He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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