They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
