guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
