dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
