First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize