You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
