I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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