I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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