Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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