we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
