so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
