Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
