Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
