I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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