Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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