just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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