Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
