Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
