5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
