Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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