So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
