This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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