I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I party with great urgency now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
