Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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