first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
