its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
