You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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