Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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