How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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