we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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