yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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