it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
